Melissa's Eulogy

Melissa Gayle Eggen Mansfield was born on April 9, 1971 in Shelbyville, KY. She died May 15, 2007, at the University of Louisville Hospital after a long and courageous battle with cancer. She is at home with the Lord, because we are sure that absent from the body is present with the Lord.

Melissa grew up in Waddy, and attended Waddy Christian Church. She was very proud of being from Waddy. It may have been the first thing I ever learned about her! She was involved in a number of clubs and activities. She took dance classes from the time she was 4 until she finished high school. She was also very active in 4-H, winning some state championships for canning among other things. In high school, she was in the drama club, FCA, and Beta Club. She attended EKU as a Presidential Scholar, majoring in English. She continued in FCA, and went on to do Master’s work in English at UK. Melissa and Aaron were married on August 30, 1997. She worked at Asbury Theological Seminary and UK until John was born, and she took on her greatest role and accomplishment as a stay-at-home mom.

At First UMC, she worked with the youth group, various Bible studies, children’s ministry and prayer ministry.

At Dunaway UMC, she started a children’s ministry, a women’s small group, was instrumental in a powerful prayer meeting, and setting up a food pantry.

At Christ Church UM, she was in children’s ministry, Bible Study, Sunday School, and women’s bible study as much as she could be. She loved the Fellowship Service, especially the children!

Who She Was.

Melissa was a most beautiful little girl. Vivacious, funny. As a baby, she was known for a distinctive, deep laugh that she always graced people with. She was talkative. Loved being a country girl, a self-proclaimed girlie-girl. Some of the things I always heard her talk about from her childhood are: how much she loved being with her mom, especially baking and cooking. Her dad owned the Waddy mini-mart, and she loved being there, meeting the characters, and going with Bill to the produce market in Louisville, riding in the truck with Spike, the dog. She was also bossy to Brandon, beat up by Brandon, and ran intereference for Brandon when he was in trouble. She loved being with her grandparents, staying on the weekends and fighting to not have to go home. She loved her Aunt Lisa, especially getting to sleep in the bed with her. She loved having fun with Aunt Diddy, and said that anything and everything would turn into an adventure with Diddy. She loved family dinners at Uncle Jerry’s, and she was so happy, Jerry, when you found faith in Jesus. She loved her cousins so much. She just loved family. All she needed to be happy was to be with family. Mom, Dad, Nathan, Heather, you don’t know how often she would say, “I miss your family.” Once she got sick there was not much chance to get together.

Melissa was entirely unassuming—what you saw is what you got. One time at Annual Conference—and boy, did Melissa love Annual Conference! She hoped she would be well enough to get back to it. One time, she told me about a conversation she had in the hall of the convention center. She sat next to a woman and they got to talking, and the conversation turned to Susannah Wesley, John and Charles’ mother. Susannah was in reality the actual founder of the Methodist movement, and Melissa would tell that to anyone who would listen. Well, Melissa and this lady talked for close to an hour about how Susannah modeled Christian motherhood—in love and piety. A wide-ranging conversation. She said she found a kindred spirit. A little while later, Bishop King’s wife was introduced, and Melissa said with a gulp, “That’s the woman I was talking to!” She started worrying that she had talked too much or said something crazy, and what would she think? I was a little worried, too! Anybody else would have been a real crawler, trying to get in good with the bishop’s wife. In the end, Sissy just found a good friend. That’s how Melissa was—she would talk to anybody. A bishop’s wife, a homeless fellow looking for food. And they would get the same attention, the same love.

Her Boys

Melissa always said she had three boys—John, Joseph, and me. I have said many times, with gratitude and amazement, that Melissa accepted me for who I am. Never tried to change anything. Always stood by me, always supported me, and you absolutely need that in ministry. We had a love that was a gift from God—how else could we have found each other? She was the first person I met in Kentucky. A year later, we had become friends, were both just out of hurtful relationships, and realized we were meant to be.

I think everyone else saw it, too. She came to church with me here, at First Church one Sunday. As the choir processed in, and Susan Arnold came by, she pointed at Melissa in a very exaggerated way and mouthed for all to see, “She’s the one! She’s the one!”

There was an unconscious intention in our lives that we treasured once we realized what it was: there wasn’t anything worth fighting about. Altho we did argue all the way from Memphis, TN to Jackson, MS whether or not little boys should have pink bikes…

Our life together got deep when we had the boys. John and Joseph—you made Mommy happier than anyone or anything could have. Her wisdom about life with them was profound: “Life’s too short to clean up all the time.” It really is a choice between having an uncluttered house and holding babies as much as they want to be held. John and Joe, for the first year at least of their lives, took a nap while she held them. They soaked up the love. She would drop everything for a crying baby, a dirty baby, a hungry baby, a laughing baby (to join in the laughter). She would sit and teach them, read to them, love on them. So you have to understand how hard this is on the little men. The Mommy who was always there, always had energy, always had her loving presence for them, this Mommy got weak, and was not always able to be with them like they were used to. But she gave to them as much as she could.

John and Joe, I want you to know how much Mommy loved you. I will help you to remember that. She fought very hard for you. She wanted nothing more than to be your Mommy. She gave us a lifetime of love in the short time she was here. We’d have liked more time, but we had all the love we could handle.

Melissa’s love for us, Melissa herself, was a gift from God. Human love can only go so far. But the love of God flowing out of a person fills others up completely. And that’s what we had, and thru the mystery of the resurrection, it is what we have. Melissa loved worship. That’s why we’re here like this, not in a funeral home. It goes back to something that happened here a while back. When Ann Orr died after a long battle with cancer, Melissa was so impressed by her funeral. It was a worship service. “That’s what I want,” she said. “Hymns, sermon, Apostles’ Creed. A worship service. Joyful.” Howard Willen will preach the gospel today, as he did to us for the 5 years we were here. He married us. The Bach piece, Arioso, that Dan played for us as a prelude, was played at our wedding. He baptized our babies. At this altar, over there, Melissa had a powerful experience. She was worried that she might have a difficult pregnancy because of her epilepsy. Taking communion, she heard Jesus say to her heart, “This is the hem of my robe for you.” It seems right to be here, worshipping.

Of course, we’re doing this 40 or 50 years too early. But what Melissa wanted was to worship God.

Melissa loved prayer. I suppose that she kick-started my desire for prayer. When we would say our prayers at night, I would be vaguely worried, thinking, “If she gets what she’s asking for, boy, will there be some upheaval in life!” Her prayers were direct and powerful, simple yearning for the will of God to be done in our lives, in our family, in the church. Melissa always prayed—for healing, for strength, for endurance, for me, the boys, her whole family. In the last prayer time she and I had together, she prayed for the The Rock La Roca. She so wanted to be with us there. She wanted the children to break her heart. She wanted to love on them. She only came to church with us three times. She kept waiting to get well enough to be there. She was so touched by everyone’s prayers, by the cards she received from people she did not know. Her prayer was that The Rock La Roca would become what God needs it to be.

Melissa loved the Bible. She loved to think about Jesus and what He did. She was a constant Bible student. She taught it thru her life, thru straightforward devotion. She fit right into how I prepared my sermons. I have a bunch of ideas running thru my head. She’d listen to how they developed over time before anything was put down on paper. We’d just discuss and she would help me think it thru, pray it thru, and compare it all with Scripture. My sermons, finally, came from our life together.

In the end, Melissa was the better preacher. People generally do not remember what I preach. Heck, I don’t remember what I preach. But a number of people have stopped me and said, “I remember a children’s message she gave…” I do, too. Many of them. I will always remember her life. Her life and her love, they were the same thing.