Man Cards

You start every day with 5 “man cards.” These cards guarantee your masculinity. You lose a man card anytime you do something Nancy. So, presumably, I take a hit immediately every day because I have a light purple boom box. It was Sissy’s and I was too cheap to get another one. But I am too much man to worry about. I’ll spot the rest of the world a card. As the sign outside my office at UK used to say, “Last of the full-grown men.”

I lose a further man card if John Gallaher catches me listening to Alannis Morrissette. A further card if I am listening in the dark. I surrender all man cards if I am weeping while singing “You Oughta Know.” None of that has ever happened, but John says it has. But this is the same guy who has twice been REJECTED going to the hoop by the fat old preacher, who plays on a knee that has been operated on twice. I am the sultan of swat, the duke of Tenacious D, the earl of funk, the ayatollah of rock and rollah… wait… wrong scenario… How many man cards do you lose there, John?

Why all this talk about man cards? Because I suppose I will lose a further one on a permanent basis for what I am about to share. But like I said, I can spot the world a card or two.

I basically finished the butterfly garden today. It has been my therapy, my solitude, my getting away, my time of communing. I like hard work outside. Some of the last plants I put in were some clumps of lavender in various edges. As I put them in, I could smell the fragrance on my hands. Lavender was one of Sissy’s favorite plants and favorite scents. There’s a baby soap and lotion that has lavender in it, and we always used it on the boys before they went to bed, and they smelled so sweet. These past months, I would bring the boys to her so she could smell them before they went to bed.

Sissy bought some lavender ironing water, and she would use it on our pillow cases so we’d go to sleep with that soothing smell. And here’s where I lose the man card. She also used it on my shirts. I’d get inured to it pretty quickly, but first thing, it was invigorating. And later on during the day, I might catch a wiff and think about the boys and Sissy, who always did a million little things that you never quite pin down, some you didn’t know she did, some you took for granted, accepting gratefully but not always consciously that that was just how she was.