Melissa had a long day yesterday. We had an early appt at the bone marrow transplant clinic, and then a later one with the radiologist. At the radiologist’s we learned that she will get two weeks of focused radiation to the spots on the brain. There are two spots, one shrunk the other probably gone, but the doc doesn’t want to take any chances.

The radiation treatments are short, about 30seconds or something. The issues we’re dealing with there are that she has already had brain radiation twice, and there is concern about long-term effects on the brain. Hopefully that won’t be a problem.

Her platelets—hard to tell. She is able to go 4-5 days and hold steady, then they start falling. Dr. Herzig says maybe she is making them and keeping them, so he is willing to let the numbers dip more than usual, and see if they hold. We are optimistic they will hold and increase.

She received a dose of chemo to the brain thru the spinal fluid, which involved a lumbar puncture. That’s no fun, and she was sore for a few days. Until they can put in the brain port (once the platelets get up) she will have monthly lumbar punctures to inject the chemo.

The way she puts it, the hardest thing is it seems like it’s always something else. When does it end? A few nights ago, she couldn’t sleep and so she read from a devotional. The title of the reading was something like Patience During Trials. She read a number of Scriptures, and strangely enough was encouraged. I say strangely enough because I am constantly surprised by the Bible’s openness to suffering, its honesty in addressing it and its spiritual results. And then, when the Bible says to joyfully accept trials, I am always surprised how comforting that is.

I suspect that Melissa would tell you that the benefit, the result of all this has been a deeper trust in Christ, a surer sense of His presence. And who doesn’t want that?

The difficulty comes when we start to neglect the Cross. While Melissa was on the transplant unit, I would go pray at St. Martin of Tours Catholic Church. St. Martin was a very popular saint in the part of Germany where we lived when I was a kid. He has a huge impact on Christian culture, even today, but I won’t go into that now.

The church downtown is amazing. It is a very alive congregation. Their sign says, :Our doors never close.” There’s something about that, always having a place to pray, even at three in the morning. I took it as a good sign that it was a church dedicated to St. Martin, for I suppose that of the Early Church figures, I am most attracted to him, out of habit from childhood, and respect for his putting Scripture to work in his life.

St.Martin’s is just a great place to pray. There is a statue of Mary holding the dead body of Jesus. It is done so skillfully that when you kneel in front of it, your hand can slip right into His. And if you look up, you are at eye-level with the wound in His side. And if you look to Heaven, you stare into Mary’s sad eyes. A very powerful place indeed.

Catholic Churches also have a Stations of the Cross. These are paintings or sculptures that depict aspects of the Passion. Now, not all of them are in Scripture. But the point is to allow yourself to meditate on His suffering. Over a few days, I would go and pray at each station, asking “Why?” Why the Cross, indeed.

It is a strange symbol. It’s one you have not thought about much, because if you had, you would not have adopted it so easily. I dare say, you would feel uncomfortable with it in your life, much less your church.

It is a symbol of brutality. Of shame. Degradation. Humiliation. An inexorable grinding away of life. And yet, we Christians believe that it is life. Or at least we should. It is an honest assessment of our lives. How so?

We will all die.

Many will die painfully.

Some will be killed.

In each of us there is enough Hell to crucify someone.

And because, to varying degrees, we lead dark and twisted lives, the Cross is a dark and twisted thing. If Jesus were going to take on our form, our infirmities, what did we expect? A well-dressed fellow with a jaunty hat? While there is so much joy in Jesus—His words and His life—just like our lives, darkness and pain had their day.

Here are two websites that have some renderings of the stations of the Cross.

http://frpat.com/stations/stat01.htm children’s illustrations

http://www.christusrex.org/www1/jvc/TVCmain.html I think these are Dore’s artwork.

So, as I stood before each station of the Cross, I would ask why.

I don’t say that I have THE answers. Maybe some. Maybe partial answers. But I would like to share the fruit of this meditation. So, as you come to each station, think about the image, the action. Meditate on the Passion of our Lord.

First Station. Jesus is condemned to die. Why?

--Because we are

Second Station. Jesus is laden with the Cross. Why?

--Because there is no heavier burden; He knows our sorrows

Third Station. Jesus falls the first time. Why?

(For meditation on the three times Jesus falls, I am indebted to Heidi Klein, a friend from Belgium we have not met.)

--Because the burden is heavy.

Fourth Station. Jesus meets His afflicted mother. Why?

--Because our suffering pains our loved ones.

Fifth Station. The Cyrenian helps Jesus with the Cross. Why?

---Because help comes from unexpected places.

Sixth Station. Veronica wipes the face of Jesus. Why?

--Because suffering opens up paths for mercy.

Seventh Station. Jesus falls the second time. Why?

--The burden IS heavy.

Eighth Station. Jesus speaks to the women of Jerusalem. Why?

--Because we must be warned of the real nature of life.

Ninth Station. Jesus falls the third time. Why?

--Because we wonder how will we ever get up?

Tenth Station. Jesus is stripped of His garments. Why?

--Because humiliation is the devil’s joy.

Eleventh Station. Jesus is nailed to the Cross. Why?

--Because suffering will be complete.

Twelfth Station. Jesus dies on the Cross. Why?

--Because death is the way of the world.

Thirteenth Station. Jesus is taken down from the Cross. Why?

--Because in death He seems to no longer be a threat to the powers that be.

Fourteenth Station. Jesus is laid in the tomb. Why?

--Because we think death is the end. (here Melissa had an editorial comment: “Ha!”